Judicial Flavors

When you receive the ‘subpoena of flavor’, don’t resist.

Embrace the entire legalized docket … or we will see your ASSets in court!

A Great Gift for Every Lawyer

The Sauce that opened the case!!!

Lawyers Breath

*Best of Show* Hot Sauce

Judicial Flavors™ has seized the flagrant nature of garlic and fine chilies to bring out the orator in you. Fortunately, your breath will not reek of broken promises and hidden clauses. Lawyer’s Breath™ may make you change your will and your pre-nuptial agreement but not your love for this sauce.

Ingredients: Tomato juice, water, jalapeno puree, vinegar, dried onions, lemon juice, garlic, dried chilies, seasoned salt, habanero peppers

Court’s Verdict – Felony

___________________________________________________________________

“Everyone needs a little willful misconduct in their life. Let these sauces tempt you into some culinary larceny!”

Contempt of Court

Pepper Sauce

Contempt never tasted so good. While the actions of your lawyer may leave you in contempt and the ruling of the judge may create slanderous thoughts, the judicial melding of all natural fire products makes this sauce far from contemptuous. Apply liberally to all proceedings.

Ingredients: Water, tomato paste, onions, salt, garlic, dried chilies, vinegar, sugar.

Court’s Verdict – Misdemeanor

___________________________________________________________________

“Where’s the Justice?”

Juvenile Justice

Taco Sauce

The Chief Shyster’s children have demanded that a sauce be put forth for those of minor years. A sauce that by clear and convincing evidence will provide justice for all ages. Minor-qualification is not strictly construed by age.

Ingredients: Tomato puree, jalapeno peppers, vinegar, salt, roasted garlic, dried chile pepper, spice, sugar, dehydrated onion, xantham gum, citric acid.

Court’s Verdict – Infraction

___________________________________________________________________

“When “The System” makes you feel like you’re on the barbeque, baste in the Shyster sauces.”

Shyster Sauce

BBQ Sauce

Shyster Sauce™ will make you wish you had acquired it ex-post facto. Judicial Flavors, in its most usual modus operandi, has blended its finest barbecue with the temerity of the finest habanero peppers. This blend has been refined to avoid any charges of arson or flash burns. However, this sauce may leave the user in a state of non compos mentis, that being – not of sound mind, because of its addictive nature. LET THE BUYER BEWARE!

Ingredients: Catsup, brown sugar, water, vinegar, soy sauce, hot sauce, hickory smoke flavor, garlic powder, onion powder, Worcestershire sauce, dried habanero chilies

Court’s Verdict – Misdemeanor

 

___________________________________________________________________

“Bailiff Brutality is what you will declare.”

Baliff Brutality

Salsa

All rise, was the order. Bring the salsa, was the demand. With this challenge, the Chief Shyster has created for those whom there is no fear of the click of cuffs, the blow of a baton, the eye watering of pepper spray or the jolt of an electrical correctional belt. This salsa provides that brief moment of flavor savoring freedom, only to have that moment replaced by the confinement of ones sense to its searing heat. Prepare to go into custody forthwith!

Ingredients: Diced tomato, water, garlic, jalapeno peppers, pepper extract, diced habanero, chopped onion, cilantro, salt.

Court’s Verdict – 3-Strikes

___________________________________________________________________

Your meats will be legal tender when they spend the night in cooler.

Alimony Antidote

Marinade

So, the ex’s talking head got all your assets. The Chief Shyster feels your pain and says “so what if the ex took the refrigerator and left you with the box to live in”. You still can enjoy this marinade on whatever you can snare and roast over your Sterno fire. This marinade will serve as an antidote to any alimony hemorrhage from which the user may be suffering.

Ingredients: Soy sauce, white granulated sugar, green onion, ginger, sesame seeds, sesame oil, spices.

Court’s Verdict – Infraction

The Chief Shyster Interviewed

 

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